Love's Destruction
by Quaver Ava
Summary: Deep in the back of Tomoyo's mind, she knew this was to be a grievous mistake that would destroy their lifetime of friendship. But she wanted to be selfish just once, and have her happy moment. Would Sakura forgive her?
1. Chapter 1

Break

The fair elegant Tomoyo Daidouji held the other girl down, her heart racing at what she was about to do. Would Sakura hate her? Syaoron would surely be upset. Tomoyo bit her lower lip, scared, entranced, excited by the emerald eyes of her friend. "S-Sakura, I-I."

Sakura stared back with her head to tilted to the side. "Is, is something the matter?" Tomoyo had pushed her onto her bed, and now she didn't know what to do, what Tomoyo was going to do. This wasn't normal of her friend. "Are you okay?"

"No!" Tomoyo shook her face, her normally serene voice cracking. "I'm not okay." Tears flew from her eyes, and Tomoyo pushed her face into Sakura's shoulder. She sobbed, unable to control herself any longer. It had been four years of watching her best friend with Syaoron, but now she couldn't keep her feelings inside anymore. She needed to release them. She knew Sakura would reject her, but Tomoyo needed to express her love.

Sakura patted Tomoyo's back, confused by her friend's sudden outburst. Perhaps it was an extreme mood swing? Sakura internally berated herself for the awful assumption. This was real, and whatever Tomoyo needed to say, she would help her. "It's okay, I'm here. But I need you to talk to me, and tell me what's wrong."

Tomoyo lifted her body off Sakura a little, suddenly aware of how much contact an embrace entailed. Her heart raced. She was inches away from Sakura's face, and if she didn't act now, she'd never get a chance ever again. Without a word, Tomoyo leaned in and kissed Sakura's beautiful lips.

Surprised, Sakura tried to pull away but Tomoyo's pushed forward and held her head. Panicked, Sakura opened her mouth to protest and then Tomoyo's tongue reached inside. Whimpered, she flailed for a second before realizing she could push Tomoyo away. But as soon as she grabbed her friend's sides to push, the other teenager pulled away, rolling off Sakura.

Sakura scrambled away from her friend, holding her arms to her chest. "T-Tomoyo, you-you, kissed me!"

Tomoyo didn't say anything, only turning her head away from her friend. She covered her face in both her hands and sobbed.

Still alarmed, Sakura stood up from the bed. She watched her friend sob for a minute, torn between the shock of the kiss and Tomoyo's emotional meltdown.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." The normally calm and reserved young woman rocked back and forth, her whole body shaking. She repeated the mantra, unable to stop. She felt Sakura climb back onto the bed, and then wrap her arms around Tomoyo.

"It's okay." Sakura whispered, bringing her friend into an embrace. She wasn't sure if this was right.

Tomoyo whimpered, trying to push away. "N-no, I shouldn't."

Sakura wasn't sure if hugging someone who liked her was the right thing to do. Tomoyo was well aware of Sakura's deep love for Syaoron. Perhaps that was why Tomoyo's confession was like this, an explosion of emotions and tears. It made sense now. All the little signs and details, all the way back to before they were ten. She rocked back and forth with Tomoyo in her arms, deciding to hum a lullaby. This only seemed to make Tomoyo cry even more. But crying was good, even if it hurt. Deep down inside herself, she prayed that this wouldn't destroy their friendship.

Tomoyo stopped her snobs, now slowly down to shaky breaths. "S-Sakura." She whispered, pulling away a little.

Sakura pulled her own head away, remembering Tomoyo's sudden kiss. "What is it?" She said, smiling.

"C-can I have you." Tomoyo pulled away some more. "Just for tonight? Please?"

Sakura could see the hope burning inside Tomoyo's eyes. Tomoyo seriously believed she might be able to have her for tonight. What did that mean? Several ideas came to mind, and Sakura hated herself for thinking of any of them. Tomoyo wouldn't want to do that stuff. But then again, Tomoyo did kiss her. Perhaps she cried to get close enough to kiss her as well? No, that wasn't right, Tomoyo would never be so deviant.

And then the realization hit her. Her trust in Tomoyo was falling apart, shattering into pieces. Sakura put a hand to her mouth, turning away so she didn't see the devastated face of her friend. What would be the right thing to do? No matter what she chose, there would be regrets. She was only fifteen, she didn't know what to do in this situation. No magical card could fix this. Finally, Sakura turned to face her friend again.

Tomoyo stared at the bed, her hair covered her face. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that. Silence enveloped the room, its sickly presence pushing the two of them far away from each other. Tomoyo knew she could reach out and touch Sakura, but because of her actions, Sakura was no another world away. Or, she had thought. Sakura's hand touched her chin, and Tomoyo raised her head to see Sakura smiling. It was a sad, nervous smile, but one filled with love. Tomoyo's heart ached and sored, shattered and came together again. The anticipation of a possible yes was surely going kill her.

"Okay, Tomoyo." Sakura whispered, leaning forward and kissing her friend.

Tomoyo kissed Sakura back, her very being soaring into the air. Sakura was hers, all hers for tonight. Everything was right, and she could finally express every ounce of love she held for her dear friend. Reaching up, she touched the edges of Sakura's shirt and lifted just slightly.

Sakura pulled away from her awkward kiss, and stared at Tomoyo. Tomoyo truly wanted that from Sakura, this was how the night would go. With a little nod, Sakura gave her approval to Tomoyo Daidouji.

Deep in the back of Tomoyo's mind, she knew this was to be a grievous mistake that would destroy their lifetime of friendship. But she wanted to be selfish just once, and have her happy moment. Would Sakura forgive her? Tomoyo slowly lifted her friend's shirt, and tossed it to the side. She stared at the small breasts of her beautiful Sakura. Tomoyo was so happy, she couldn't think about anything else anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

Guilt's Call

Tomoyo sat with her legs spread in a W on her floor, an empty bottle of wine forgotten in the corner. She turned her head, searching for the glass she had put down somewhere. She lightly hiccupped. Her stomach protested and she closed her eyes. Tears trickled down her cheeks and once she realized she was crying, they couldn't be stopped. Her best friend was no longer her friend anymore. Sakura would surely hate her now, because she had made another horrible mistake. It was the alcohol and guilt that lead her to call Syaoron.

First he didn't believe her, thinking she was drunk and telling him an amusing joke. He said it was so unlike her to make up something that ridiculous, even commenting on how mischievous he knew she could be. But the call continued, and it continued, and only after three hours of crying and yelling did she realize that he had hung up on her early in the call. Perhaps they had lost connection, but now she had the phone lying on the floor nearby, next to a wine glass and wet spot on the floor.

She didn't drink red wine, it put her to sleep to easily. The white wine she had chosen though did the job and put her on the verge of senselessness. She could feel the cold chills of blacking out creeping in her body. Tears ran further down her eyes. No longer did her stomach hurt, now replaced with a hunger for more.

Could she even make a proper sentence now? She'd slur and be unlady like, her mother would be so disappointed in her. She needed to drink water, maybe eat something, or she'd be terribly sick the next day. Her body didn't want to move, it stayed glued to the floor.

The phone rang, and she reached for it. Her arms were long enough to pick the device up, but her body still refrained from moving. Mustering her strength, she pushed herself, crawling on her hands and knees to the cell. The world spun and her head swam under the alcohol's intoxication. "Dwunk... Ah'm drunk."

"Tomoyo, is this why Syaoron knows? You're drunk!" Never had Sakura yelled at Tomoyo filled with so much anger.

No, it could only be hatred. Sakura hated her now. The four words repeated in Tomoyo's mind, over and over again. For a few minutes she didn't even comprehend what Sakura was saying.

"…do such a horrible thing! I-I can't talk straight, I can't think straight, I can't see straight, I'm so mad. Syaoron and Meiling are on a plane right now and they'll—"

Tomoyo hit the end call button, imaging the horrible things that Syaoron might do to her. She had kissed Sakura in places that had only been in her dreams to kiss. Only when she slipped Sakura's pants off did it explode. The memory of Sakura screaming and telling her to leave burned into her mind. Tomoyo could vividly imagine the painful shaking that racked her body as she dressed herself and ran home.

It had been three days sense, and now everything was coming apart. Her mother was out of country on business, but she would soon be home. Tomoyo's call ensued Syaoron and even Meiling coming back to Japan. She could sober herself up by tomorrow, and demand her bodyguards keep her friends away. No, they weren't her friends anymore. They would come to one way or another, with magic even, to give her the punishment she deserved.

The fifteen year old bent over and covered her face, shoulders shaking with each sob. Surely no one would hear her crying, not now in this small time frame she had left. It all happened because of her feelings for Sakura.

Love was a terrible feeling. If not fed it festered and ate the heart away over time. And when given just a taste, through her first truly impsulve act in her life, it did not sit back satisfied and suppressed like she had hoped. No, even now she could feel the love for Sakura all those years turning into a black hatred towards herself. Anger washed through her, the alcohol and desperation bringing terrible acts to mind. It broke her more, sending her towards an edge she'd never thought she'd ever think of in her life.

The pain needed to stop, and it needed to stop now.

Heartbroken, Tomoyo stood up and walked to her desk. What could she use, what could she use to hurt herself? A letter opener, that would do, right? Picking the intricate opener up from her desk she stared at it, wondering what it would be like to end these horrible feelings? Pushed to the back of the desk, but lying out in the opening to see every day and possibly pick up to read, were piles of letters between her and Sakura.

Letters held a certain intimacy, and they grew into the habit of mailing each other. It was silly, with their cell phones and ability to see each other every day, they started to mail one another letters. The conversations were long and often discussed things Tomoyo couldn't see herself speaking of out loud. Was it these letters that allowed her feelings to grow into the monster they had become?

She walked to her bed, and stared at the letter opening. Occasionally she'd place it to her wrist, wondering if she could do it. What would her friends and family say? Would they be angry with her, or cry over her even after the terrible thing she did. There would be no more happiness in her life ever again. Was there a point in continuing to live?

Her head swam and she fell, her thin body bouncing a little on the mattress before resting in place. The letter opener fell to the floor, and all her worries were washed away into drunken nightmares.

* * *

 _Not sure if y'all realizd this or not, but I ain't pre-reading stuff. It's all raw one hundred percent first draft. I'd like to know what you think so far._


	3. Chapter 3

Trial

Tomoyo dressed herself in a nice dress, applied her make up to give her pale face just a tad bit of color. There were many girls who complimented her light skin, but recently the natural beauty turned into a sickly hue. The rollercoaster of emotions of heart break twisted her own image and created someone she didn't recognize in the mirror. Make up was a beautiful invention that hid her flaws, a physical mask to hide the evidence of pain.

But today would be the first step towards a better future. She smiled at herself, her reflection returning the genuine expression. Her mother had been furious. The summer went by with little contact with Sakura and her other friends. Often they would ask to visit her, so they could talk over what happened. But Tomoyo's mother when pushed to her limits would not budge on the grounding. Tomoyo's few trips outside of her home was out of country to be with her mother. Tomoyo's only visitor was a therapist who specialized in depression.

A month of isolation later and she was preparing for school again. But today, she had a lunch date with her friends. She was excited to be with Meiling and to see Syaoran. At first she was terrified of seeing them again, but the many attempts from her friends to see lightened the fears she held. However, Tomoyo could not place her feelings on seeing Sakura again. Her best friend scared her, but the prospect of seeing Sakura made Tomoyo's heart skip.

The teenager walked to her bed and sat down, putting her head in her hands. This was going to be a good day, she wasn't going to ruin it. Somehow, they would work this out as friends. The night she drank herself into a stupor was an overreaction. She was ashamed of herself, but she learned from her lesson. The past month hurt, the isolation ripping her to pieces. And yet, it helped. The time gave her an opportunity to think. Whenever her thoughts started to turn too cloudy, her mother would be there, and the nice therapist, and her body guards. Being in trouble did not mean she wasn't loved. Tomoyo couldn't thank her mother enough now, knowing this experience would be remembered throughout her whole life.

Tomoyo would grow and mature in time. She fancied that she would use the lessons from her mistakes in future relationships. She wasn't as happy as she wanted to be, and she didn't think she would ever be the same kind of happy she had been before her feelings turned toxic. No, from this day on she would hold a different happiness in her heart to heal the laceration left by her own making. It was time to be a woman and face her friends.

Standing up from the bed, she walked passed her mirror. Glancing one last time she nodded at the summer dress, satisfied with its look. A month was a long time to be by herself, and in her time she created enough outfits for last her until next year. At first the clothes were the normal wear she wanted Sakura to have. But the therapist convinced her to focus on making clothes for herself, and just herself. The dress she wore had three layers, two of them made out of light material in bright colors that played well with the main black body of the dress. She fixed her knee high socks, enjoying the new feel of their soft embrace against her smooth legs. Though the makeup hid the mark of several restless nights, she was far better off than the day her mother rushed home. Tomoyo would be confident today, she would be brave and mature on the date with her friends.

A slow frown melted her confidence away. Was she just building a faucade, or was this real? No, Tomoyo shook her head. Doubt of rejection, doubt in herself, was what threw her over the edge of overreaction. Tears rushed to her eyes. Her broken heart wasn't going to heal right until she walked out of her bedroom door and met with her friends. Biting her lip, she nodded again. _Confidence,_ she chanted to herself, _confidence._

Tomoyo poured the eleventh sugar packet into her large coffee and stirred. She smiled, her hands lightly shaking. Caffeine and nerves was never a good combination, but she needed the rush to pick her spirits up. Sakura and the others hadn't arrived yet. But then again, Tomoyo came to the shop an hour early, so it was expected. She slowly walked back to her table. Her bodyguard and babysitter for the day was in a corner closer to the shop's entrance, reading a book. The moment Tomoyo sat down for the fifth time that hour, Meiling stepped into the shop.

Tomoyo waved her friend over, giving a friendly smile. The Chinese girl had grown well in the last few years and strode up to Tomoyo's table. "Hi, been a while." Meiling chirped, looking around the café. "I'm going to buy a soda, be back in a sec."

"Okay!" Tomoyo waved, happiness coursing through her at seeing her friend.

Meiling returned with a glass bottled soda, popping the cap off with the table's edge. "I've started a bottle cap collection, my favorites are Coka-Cola caps. See, they're pretty."

"Wow, what made you start collecting?"

"An American video game set in an alternate history post apocalypse world. It's interesting because China's been made out to be the bad guys, when really it was the Americans who screwed everything up. But anyways, they use bottle caps like these as currency." Meiling smiled at her little bottle cap, basking in her simple joy of a new addition to her collection. "I got into video games soon after breaking my engagement with Syaoran off. They're fun."

The bell to the coffee shop rang and Tomoyo turned to look and see if it was Sakura and Syaoran. Her heart skipped as they walked into the café. Syaoron looked at her once with a strange expression she couldn't place, before grabbing Sakura's hand. As if to say, "Mine." Tomoyo stared down at the table, her face turning a shameful red.

"Hey!" She heard Syaoron protest followed by the slapping of shoes against the cleaned floor. Slowly, she dared to see. Sakura stood over her now, hands on her hips. Tears brimmed Sakura's eyes, and her lips pursed together in what Tomoyo could only think to be anger.

"Tomoyo Daidouji, stand up." Sakura firmly commanded.

Tomoyo's placed her hands onto the table, slowly pushing outwards. Her whole body shook, her confidence falling apart. Sakura would now humiliate her in public, and Tomoyo deserved every bit of shame that would follow. It took far more strength to stand up than she could have ever imagined. Her body refused, her heart pattered in her chest in her panic. But Tomoyo stood, she turned, and she faced Sakura.

The eyes of several other patrons and the staff of the café looked on at what might unfold next. Sakura hadn't been loud, but the aura she gave caught everyone's attention. Tomoyo could see the anger and hurt in Sakura's eyes, the hate Sakura must feel. But Tomoyo had come this far. She took in a steadying breath and spoke. "I'm sorry."

Sakura raised a hand high and Tomoyo stared at it in fear and awe. Would Sakura really hit her? Would her friend slap her, and strike her apology down in a violent action of loathing. Tomoyo closed her eyes, knowing she deserved it for manipulating Sakura into doing something Sakura didn't want. Tomoyo felt the hand touch her right cheek, Sakura's knuckles sliding across Tomoyo's face as if she were being backhanded. The motion was slow and gentle, almost like it were also an awkward caressing.

Tomoyo fluttered her eyes open, her vision blurred by tears.

Sakura shook her head. "I don't accept your apology." Tears freely rolled down her cheeks, falling from her beautiful green eyes in trickling cascade. "Not until you h-hug me."

Tomoyo shook, her head felt light. Her knees wanted to give out under her, and she desperately wished to pass out in that moment. Her constitution was stronger than she wished, and she was forced to take the next step. It was a tremendous step, a leap really, across a horribly deep ravine, but Sakura was reaching out to her. It wasn't a rope, it wasn't a bridge, but a hand over a distance that was impossible to reach. Tomoyo's own footing was going to break under her. She needed to take the leap forward.

Meiling pushed out from her chair, and walked behind Tomoyo. "Can I touch your back?" She politely asked, smiling. The question was so strange and out of place in the moment that Tomoyo didn't know what to say.

"Y-yes?"

Meiling smiled and placed a hand onto Tomoyo's back, and with a slight nudge forward Tomoyo stepped towards Sakura. "Ah, u-uhm!" Tomoyo had grabbed Sakura to catch herself, her knees slowly giving away. Tomoyo held onto Sakura, shaking and slowly falling to the floor.

Sakura grabbed Tomoyo and lifted her up, glaring over Tomoyo at Meiling. "That was uncalled for, you ruined the moment."

Syaoran stepped up beside them, shaking his head. "Sakura, you're gonna have to hug her first, she's too terrified to stand."

"I-I'm fine!" Tomoyo lied, still unable to stand up properly. Her face burned, and she wanted to break down and cry. Her hands wouldn't let go of Sakura though.

Sakura sighed, and helped Tomoyo back to her chair. "This isn't how I planned us making up."

"W-what?" Tomoyo asked, too shocked to think straight. They were making up? But, the world around her was falling apart, and her confidence was no where to be found. She didn't even know how she held herself together long enough not to pass out. She desperately wanted to pass out and just not be there in front of all these people, in front of Sakura.

Then Sakura wrapped her arms around Tomoyo, one arm brushing against her breast and the other arm going over her shoulder. There was a gentle squeeze and Sakura pulled away, smiling. "I'm sorry I wasn't a good friend, but you were also stupid too, so I accept your apology."

Tomoyo wanted to ask what Sakura had done to be a bad friend, but it never came. A certain bodyguard in the corner of the café started to clap, followed by a few other patrons. Strangely enough, those around her all clapped, even if they were the nervous boy with his mom who looked as if he didn't know what was going on. Tomoyo buried her head into Sakura's shoulder, too embarrassed to show herself.

And she smiled, Sakura's sweet scent washing into her senses. It was a guilty pleasure, but she took in a deep calming breath and basked in its wonders. Slowly lifting her head, Tomoyo struggled not to sob as her tears ran. "I love you still but I… Please, continue to be my friend?"

Sakura nodded, hugging Tomoyo again. "Yes, I'll always be your friend."

They separated from one another and smiled. They each knew the road to recovering from the incident would be hard, but the first big step to being what they needed to be had just been taken. Their friendship would grow for the best, and they would be happy.

"Yuck, this coffee's overly sweet!" Syaoran complained, sticking his tongue out at having taken a sip from Tomoyo's cup.

"Syaoran, don't steal other people's drinks!" Sakura huffed, puffing her cheeks out.

And suddenly, the scene took a turn towards normality. Tomoyo genuinely smiled a second time that day. Her confidence was returning and she fixed her poster. "I like it sweet."

"It's almost gross though." Syaoran said, giving her a wink.

Tomoyo giggled, reaching for her coffee. "Well, I'll keep the things I love then."

Meiling leaned down next to Tomoyo's head, grinning. "Like me? You love me right?"

"Yes, you're like twenty sugar packets." Tomoyo her blushing face with a swig of her drink.

"Oh, and how many pakcets would I be?"

Tomoyo looked up to Sakura's green sparkling eyes. "I guess there are some things that are too sweet for me." She took another sip of her coffee, still smiling. Their friendship would recover, and they'd all be happy again.

All in due time.

* * *

 _This concludes Love's Destruction. Again, no pre-reading, curious to see what readers think of it at its current state._


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